I am going to mainland China with my parents tomorrow--Feb.24. When my husband booked the ticket we didn't realize how special the date is.
Suddenly, I realize that on Feb 24,2001 I got married with my husband at the age of 23.(you can figure out how old I am now) It's exactly 8 years since we have been married and 11 years since we have known each other.Time really flies. Everything seems just happened yesterday.
In the past month, I felt I got lost, I don't know what my life aim is. Every day, I seem to be very normal,but I cried almost every night.I cried when I heard the news of another kid fighting with cancer. I cried when I see people die. This is really the first time in my life that death is so near to me and it really broke my heart.
Some people told me that;"you are still young, when you get the second baby, you will forget your first one."
It seems they don't understand the feeling of losing a child.It's a feeling that no one wants to have and no parents should ever have . The pain of losing a child is so painful that I think HUGE is not big enough to describe it,especially when you recall the bad time your child had experienced. The pain is like a knife cutting the heart once a while and it never seems to stop.
I am writing my feeling here because I want all of you to treasure your life with your families if you are fortunately to be healthy. And please help those whose family is having a kid with cancer. You will never know their life. And I am very thankful that we are very lucky to have a lot of friends' help when we are unfortunately to have my daughter with cancer. Friends' help really make it very different--prayers,emails, messages, calls,gifts and financial support.
Thank you for all of your support in the past 14 months.
Feb.5th,2009
Last night, my heart is overwhelmed with sorrow,Actually, I wanted to call friends and I know a lot of my good fiends are willing to listen to me, but I am sorry that I don't know how to share the feeling of losing my preciouse kid. It's really hard.But God knows everything for sure. I cried and cried and my husband kept telling me that he is with me anyway. I weep before the Lord, and didn't know what to do. A friend who I knew only day before Xinxin's death called me.I started to cry when I answered the call,his son died 8 months ago because of cancer. He listened to me and shared with me his feeling for a long time. Isn't God nice enough to arange his angel to comfort me when I was in need.
After the call, there is one word kept in my mind,which we didn't mention during the call:
"我的恩典够用“--"My grace is sufficient."
After the call, there is one word kept in my mind,which we didn't mention during the call:
"我的恩典够用“--"My grace is sufficient."
Feb. 4th, 2008 Thinking of Xinxin
I planned to bring my husband to the park Xinxin and I used to play, which is only five minutes' walk,and my husband never had a chance to go with us. But we came to the sports ground instead.It was a very nice place for exercise, but my minds is with Xinxin. I was asking why this big world cannot allow a tiny tiny place for my daughter.
I really want to know how is Xinxin now.One friend told me that she is in a better place.I also told my parents that she is taken good care by God now. But deep in my mind, I can not really let go at all.
Who wants to die?No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. Everyone knows that heaven is a better place, but why do we still love to live here? Why do my kid only have a few years here?
And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. The only question us why MY kid must suffer all the pains most adults never experienced?
I talked to Xinxin a few times about death before her passing.Every time, she listened to me quietly and asked me a few questions like: will I get food there? But does she really understand what death meant?I don't know, maybe she knows, maybe not. I was so afraid that she would asked me to go with her together,because she asks me to stay with her every minute in her last few months.But she never asked me to go with her.
The last time talking about death was on the day before her last day, I ask crying because I knew I couldn't keep her here for long any more,Xinxin tried to hold my hands, but she was too weak to reach,but she told me clearly the most touchingly sentence:Mommy, don't worry about me.
I have promised her, but I really cannot make it. Xinxin asked me not to lie to her...
I really want to know how is Xinxin now.One friend told me that she is in a better place.I also told my parents that she is taken good care by God now. But deep in my mind, I can not really let go at all.
Who wants to die?No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. Everyone knows that heaven is a better place, but why do we still love to live here? Why do my kid only have a few years here?
And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. The only question us why MY kid must suffer all the pains most adults never experienced?
I talked to Xinxin a few times about death before her passing.Every time, she listened to me quietly and asked me a few questions like: will I get food there? But does she really understand what death meant?I don't know, maybe she knows, maybe not. I was so afraid that she would asked me to go with her together,because she asks me to stay with her every minute in her last few months.But she never asked me to go with her.
The last time talking about death was on the day before her last day, I ask crying because I knew I couldn't keep her here for long any more,Xinxin tried to hold my hands, but she was too weak to reach,but she told me clearly the most touchingly sentence:Mommy, don't worry about me.
I have promised her, but I really cannot make it. Xinxin asked me not to lie to her...
Feb.2nd,2009 Monday
I am sorry Xinxin that I couldn't save you.
This is the word we heard my father was talking to Xinxin on her Funeral. And today I read it on another NB's website. Tears can not help....It seems that every parent or grandparent are the same. When we see our kid or grand kid face death, we couldn't do anything and how we wish that we could be the one who is suffering...
It has been gone for just over three weeks now and it doesn’t seem real yet. My husband gets the habit to call me during the day time and the first word is:"how is Xinxin?" He asked the same questions and he answered by himself : you should be fine without Xinxin.
We try to keep ourselves somewhat busy during our Chinese New year holiday, but it doesn't make us miss her any less.
Xinxin came to his dream frequently, but only once to mine ---she was doing a scan without crying.
I asked Shuyuan what if Xinxin cannot recognise us or whether she will be same when we meet her again.
Hugs and kisses to my little Angel, we love you forever. Please continue the prayers.
I got a few phone calls from new NB family and it reminded me that the pain Xinxin had to go through.I recalled the time when Xinxin was diagnosed, I was angry with the doctors because they couldn't diagnosed earlier and I was mad at everyone who I met in the hospital.. It could be very difficult for these family.
My heart broke. I was reminded of the stress, the worry of having a child in cancer treatment. And the question why my kid is having cancer will be in the brain forever once for sure our kid had cancer .Every ache, every bruise, every complaint...Please continue to pray for all the children and their families who have cancer. There is no complete rest from the worry for them.
This is the word we heard my father was talking to Xinxin on her Funeral. And today I read it on another NB's website. Tears can not help....It seems that every parent or grandparent are the same. When we see our kid or grand kid face death, we couldn't do anything and how we wish that we could be the one who is suffering...
It has been gone for just over three weeks now and it doesn’t seem real yet. My husband gets the habit to call me during the day time and the first word is:"how is Xinxin?" He asked the same questions and he answered by himself : you should be fine without Xinxin.
We try to keep ourselves somewhat busy during our Chinese New year holiday, but it doesn't make us miss her any less.
Xinxin came to his dream frequently, but only once to mine ---she was doing a scan without crying.
I asked Shuyuan what if Xinxin cannot recognise us or whether she will be same when we meet her again.
Hugs and kisses to my little Angel, we love you forever. Please continue the prayers.
I got a few phone calls from new NB family and it reminded me that the pain Xinxin had to go through.I recalled the time when Xinxin was diagnosed, I was angry with the doctors because they couldn't diagnosed earlier and I was mad at everyone who I met in the hospital.. It could be very difficult for these family.
My heart broke. I was reminded of the stress, the worry of having a child in cancer treatment. And the question why my kid is having cancer will be in the brain forever once for sure our kid had cancer .Every ache, every bruise, every complaint...Please continue to pray for all the children and their families who have cancer. There is no complete rest from the worry for them.
Missing XinXin
We miss xinxin a lot. It brought us tears to see her photos again and again.She brings us a lot of good time that we are missing a lot.
Jan25th, 2009
Dear friends,Thank you for your prayers, thought, concern and help.
Wish you a blessed Chinese New Year.
We miss Xinxin very much.
Wish you a blessed Chinese New Year.
We miss Xinxin very much.
Thank you
Here are some photos of Xinxin's funeral. We were very sad of losing our daughter.But we are peaceful to know that she is happier in the paradise now without needles, vomiting or pain.
We had a very long memorial ceremony and there are more people as we expected and most of them are new to us except those 20 plus from Shuyuan's company and Xinxin's good friends--her Sister Tian and Sister Zen.
I want to thank all of those who attended the memorial ceremony and who encouraged us and who are helping us and praying for us.
I will post some of the photos as I will get the pictures and videos later at the weekend.
Thank you all for your concern.
We had a very long memorial ceremony and there are more people as we expected and most of them are new to us except those 20 plus from Shuyuan's company and Xinxin's good friends--her Sister Tian and Sister Zen.
I want to thank all of those who attended the memorial ceremony and who encouraged us and who are helping us and praying for us.
I will post some of the photos as I will get the pictures and videos later at the weekend.
Thank you all for your concern.
Video to share
The following video was sent by my friend Chuck who I met in Xi'an in 2002. He knew Xinxin's situation by my friend Nancy and Joe.
The video is very touching and It is about a young boy who lived in western U.S. and felt a tremendous sorrow for a loss that was important to him in his life. He was able to deal with it through a religious experience and he shared this with people.
The video is very touching and It is about a young boy who lived in western U.S. and felt a tremendous sorrow for a loss that was important to him in his life. He was able to deal with it through a religious experience and he shared this with people.
Jan.19th,2008 Monday
The following file was made by our friend --Yanqiong who helped us a lot when we were in Singapore. She shared the following file in her church last weekend. I don't know how long it took her to only collect these photos because she didn't ask for photos from me but download from Xinxin's Blog. I didn't know it at all until she emailed me this morning.
I want to thank her for her time and help.
I want to thank her for her time and help.
Jan.18th,2008 Sunday
I walked to the 18th floor from the first floor of Yan Fook Church in the morning,because there are too many people waiting for the lift.
At lunch time I met Sally to confirm with her about Xinxin's Memorial ceremony--it will be 7:30--8:30pm on Jan.20,2009 (Tuesday) at the 15th floor of EFCC Yan Fook Church.(Lai Chi Kwok MTR exit A, Cheung Sha Wan Road 789, Yan Fook church)
Please come with your family or your friends.I am sure Xinxin will be happy that we share her story with more people.
At lunch time I met Sally to confirm with her about Xinxin's Memorial ceremony--it will be 7:30--8:30pm on Jan.20,2009 (Tuesday) at the 15th floor of EFCC Yan Fook Church.(Lai Chi Kwok MTR exit A, Cheung Sha Wan Road 789, Yan Fook church)
Please come with your family or your friends.I am sure Xinxin will be happy that we share her story with more people.
Xinxin's funeral on Jan.16th,2009
Thanks God that Xinxin's funeral was great with a lot friends' attendance--Shu Yuan's friends( his company's CTO, the Director, managers and colleagues), our brothers and sisters in Christ, the medical staff, the CCF staff( Xinxin's Sister tian, Sister zen and Ms.Shi Tu) and Kan's family.
All these friends are new to us,we knew some of them them only a few days ago.So we are very grateful to have all these friends here with us.
We arrived QMH around 11:00 am and we prayed before we saw Xinxin. My husband started to cry loudly when he first saw xinxin and all of us cried for a while. Then we started to change clothes for Xinxin. Xinxin looks much better than her on Saturday--she is smiling at us. My mother and Shu yuan also told me that Xinxin has a smiling face later after we came back home which I know it's true that Xinxin is living peacefully with Father now.
We also put some of Xinxin's favourite snacks, toys and a lot clothes in her PINK Coffin( Shu Yuan requested for a pink one as we know Xinxin loves Pink). She looks very peaceful and pretty as usual.
Then we started to sing her favorite song--JESUS LOVES ME three times and Mr. Xie read us some words in the bible. And all of us come close to see Xinxin and talk to her. I prayed for her.We started to cry again as we know it is the last time for us to see her. My father kept blaming himself not to take good care of Xinxin and cannot suffer for her.
Shu Yuan took Xinxin's PHOTO and we went to the crematorium at 12:30 pm. At the crematorium, we sing some songs and Mr. Xie read us some words from the Bible and we sang some more songs. And each of us gave Xinxin a pink color rose, and we cried and cried...
I know Xinxin is living happily in the Paradise without needles and no disease called Neurablastumor any more.
We are peaceful that Xinxin is not suffering anymore.
Once again we want to thank all those who are with us , help us and pray for us. God answers our prayers and He knows the best for us.
All these friends are new to us,we knew some of them them only a few days ago.So we are very grateful to have all these friends here with us.
We arrived QMH around 11:00 am and we prayed before we saw Xinxin. My husband started to cry loudly when he first saw xinxin and all of us cried for a while. Then we started to change clothes for Xinxin. Xinxin looks much better than her on Saturday--she is smiling at us. My mother and Shu yuan also told me that Xinxin has a smiling face later after we came back home which I know it's true that Xinxin is living peacefully with Father now.
We also put some of Xinxin's favourite snacks, toys and a lot clothes in her PINK Coffin( Shu Yuan requested for a pink one as we know Xinxin loves Pink). She looks very peaceful and pretty as usual.
Then we started to sing her favorite song--JESUS LOVES ME three times and Mr. Xie read us some words in the bible. And all of us come close to see Xinxin and talk to her. I prayed for her.We started to cry again as we know it is the last time for us to see her. My father kept blaming himself not to take good care of Xinxin and cannot suffer for her.
Shu Yuan took Xinxin's PHOTO and we went to the crematorium at 12:30 pm. At the crematorium, we sing some songs and Mr. Xie read us some words from the Bible and we sang some more songs. And each of us gave Xinxin a pink color rose, and we cried and cried...
I know Xinxin is living happily in the Paradise without needles and no disease called Neurablastumor any more.
We are peaceful that Xinxin is not suffering anymore.
Once again we want to thank all those who are with us , help us and pray for us. God answers our prayers and He knows the best for us.
Sad
We have to face Xinxin's things again as we are preparing for her funeral now.It's heart broken as we see her clothes her toys and her books. I kept asking why this must happen to my daughter. It's really hard to face all these...
Jan.14th,2009 Wednesday
Xinxin is always very brave.
The whole day I was thinking how could Xinxin be so brave and why must a little kid suffer so much.I couldn't get the answer until my head really hurts.
In the afternoon, my parents and I went to the church to discuss the details of the Funeral on Friday.Thanks God, everything sounds fine to us.
And we planned a memorial meeting for Xinxin at 7:30--9:00pm on Jan.2o,2009 (Tuesday) at the 8th floor of EFCC Yan Fook Church.
So for those who cannot come on her funeral this Friday, please come next Tuesday.
Please continue to pray for Xinxin.
And also pray for me as I will write the story of her short life with God.Please pray the guidance of God of the writing Pray that I will be strong enough to talk on that day because I am not ready yet now. I think I cannot. But my husband is too sad also...
The whole day I was thinking how could Xinxin be so brave and why must a little kid suffer so much.I couldn't get the answer until my head really hurts.
In the afternoon, my parents and I went to the church to discuss the details of the Funeral on Friday.Thanks God, everything sounds fine to us.
And we planned a memorial meeting for Xinxin at 7:30--9:00pm on Jan.2o,2009 (Tuesday) at the 8th floor of EFCC Yan Fook Church.
So for those who cannot come on her funeral this Friday, please come next Tuesday.
Please continue to pray for Xinxin.
And also pray for me as I will write the story of her short life with God.Please pray the guidance of God of the writing Pray that I will be strong enough to talk on that day because I am not ready yet now. I think I cannot. But my husband is too sad also...
Jan.12th,2008 Monday
Thanks God that we did everything smooth. We went to five different places to do the final thing for Xinxin with the help of five new friends-Janet,Ms.zen,Mikel and Mikel's friends.
It should take us more than a few days to find these places despite the commucation problems without the help of all these friends.
And with God's guidance--Xinxin's funeral will be 11:30 am Jan.16th(Friday)at QMH. For those who want to see her last sight,please come and see her, I am sure she will be happy.
For those who cannot come, please sing the song-- Jesus loves me, this I know"(耶稣爱我，我知道) as I know that Xinxin loves it very much.
We will have a Christian's funeral for her with the help of our new Friend--sally Guang, Mr. Xie,Janet ,Mikel.So far I have no ideas of the funeral, but I know we are missing her a lot.
Please continue to pray for Xinxin.Hope she will come to our dreams and tell us her life.
Thanks.
It should take us more than a few days to find these places despite the commucation problems without the help of all these friends.
And with God's guidance--Xinxin's funeral will be 11:30 am Jan.16th(Friday)at QMH. For those who want to see her last sight,please come and see her, I am sure she will be happy.
For those who cannot come, please sing the song-- Jesus loves me, this I know"(耶稣爱我，我知道) as I know that Xinxin loves it very much.
We will have a Christian's funeral for her with the help of our new Friend--sally Guang, Mr. Xie,Janet ,Mikel.So far I have no ideas of the funeral, but I know we are missing her a lot.
Please continue to pray for Xinxin.Hope she will come to our dreams and tell us her life.
Thanks.
Jan.11th,2008 Sunday
Dear friends, thank you very for your concern, prayers. And we are very sorry that we are not ready to answer your phones at the moment as we are too sad…We appreciate your emails and we will try to write a update later.
We miss Xinxin a lot and hoping she is really having a good time. As parents, we felt bad that we couldn't give her a healthy body and we couldn't do anything for her when she was in such pain. This was the worst thing and saddest thing in the world.
But don't worry about us as a few new friends Mr. Xie, Ms Kuang, Janet.And our CCF specialist- Ms. Zen are helping us a lot doing the final things. And the doctors and nurses helped us a lot at the last moment.
Please continue to pray for the bravery of Xinxin.
Thank you.
We miss Xinxin a lot and hoping she is really having a good time. As parents, we felt bad that we couldn't give her a healthy body and we couldn't do anything for her when she was in such pain. This was the worst thing and saddest thing in the world.
But don't worry about us as a few new friends Mr. Xie, Ms Kuang, Janet.And our CCF specialist- Ms. Zen are helping us a lot doing the final things. And the doctors and nurses helped us a lot at the last moment.
Please continue to pray for the bravery of Xinxin.
Thank you.
Jan.10th,2008 Saturday
We are very sad to tell you that Xinxin won her wings of angel at 3:00pm this afternoon with the daddy and mommy holding her hands and grandparents beside her.
Please pray that she will continue to be brave because tonight will be her first night without mommy staying beside as we can not bring her home. Pray that she will not be scared.
Thank you very much. I will write more soon as I am too sad.We are missing her already.
Thank all those who emailed us and helped us.
Please pray that she will continue to be brave because tonight will be her first night without mommy staying beside as we can not bring her home. Pray that she will not be scared.
Thank you very much. I will write more soon as I am too sad.We are missing her already.
Thank all those who emailed us and helped us.
Jan 9th,2008 Friday
CCF specialist Zen guniang invited one patient's father--Mr. Xie to pray for us in the ward. I am very thankful that Mr.Xie can share with me his feeling at this time. After talking with them, I felt very peaceful in mind.
Xinxin said one most touching word--Mummy,别担心我(don't worry about me) in the morning and held my hand,All the adults who witness this had tears in their eyes.
Our hearts are broken.She also sent one card to her daddy with the word"I will pray for you"--which is very rare, because she never sends card to the daddy before.
She had a good time with us--Sister Zen and Sister Tian.
The doctor started Dormicum for her in low dose-1.0 ml per hour.
Please pray less suffer for Xinxin.
Xinxin said one most touching word--Mummy,别担心我(don't worry about me) in the morning and held my hand,All the adults who witness this had tears in their eyes.
Our hearts are broken.She also sent one card to her daddy with the word"I will pray for you"--which is very rare, because she never sends card to the daddy before.
She had a good time with us--Sister Zen and Sister Tian.
The doctor started Dormicum for her in low dose-1.0 ml per hour.
Please pray less suffer for Xinxin.
Jan.8th,2008 Thursday
One of the NB mother told me that she is very sad. Yes, it's very sad of course but being sad cannot help the kids at all.She told me that she doesn't understand Christian because we seem not to care about our kids.
Whatever our believe is, we are the same as any parents.Nothing is worse for any parents seeing their kids have to face cancer. No parents will feel happy about the child's sickness especially cancer. Xinxin is the only child of us, how we want her to be healthy.
And God provides everything for us to do the advanced treatment. What we can do is to thank Him and pray for Xinxin. And we are very blessed to know and to be closer to God through Xinxin's sickness.
So please continue to pray for Xinxin.
Xinxin is very alert today--without naps, and I have to play her favorite games the whole day as she is very tired herself. The pain doctor came to see us again and did some adjustment--decrease the morphine and increase one more patch. Even the nurse asked me why the Pain doctor is so nice to us because they don't see patients every day.What we can say is that we are very lucky with God's plan.
Dear friends, thank you very much for your always support and prayers. We are very thankful that we can stay with our daughter tonight on earth.Tomorrow will be another day...
Whatever our believe is, we are the same as any parents.Nothing is worse for any parents seeing their kids have to face cancer. No parents will feel happy about the child's sickness especially cancer. Xinxin is the only child of us, how we want her to be healthy.
And God provides everything for us to do the advanced treatment. What we can do is to thank Him and pray for Xinxin. And we are very blessed to know and to be closer to God through Xinxin's sickness.
So please continue to pray for Xinxin.
Xinxin is very alert today--without naps, and I have to play her favorite games the whole day as she is very tired herself. The pain doctor came to see us again and did some adjustment--decrease the morphine and increase one more patch. Even the nurse asked me why the Pain doctor is so nice to us because they don't see patients every day.What we can say is that we are very lucky with God's plan.
Dear friends, thank you very much for your always support and prayers. We are very thankful that we can stay with our daughter tonight on earth.Tomorrow will be another day...
Jan7th, 2008 Wednesday
As parents, we are very sad to see our precious girl suffer and sometimes we wish it were a dream. We REALLY want to have her with us for ever. And we thank God for guiding us to do the best treatment and we will not regret for whatever the finial result will be because we tried the best we can and Xinxin is also fighting very hard with NB.
As our friend Jennifer mentioned in the comment that it is worth moving to HK for the further treatment.Definitely it is worthy .We would never know the result if we don't try more treatment which might help her. But as long as we tried everything, we won't regret. We will regret the rest of our life if we don't try everything we can provide for her, because God never asks us to give up and HE knows the best.
So we are prepared for any results of this fight although we want our sweetie to stay with us so much.
Xinxin is doing fine but she doesn't want the tube, so they started TPN for her today. But the needle is still on her hand as they wanted to put a whole new set of TPN, morphine and Ketamine together tomorrow.
Please continue to pray for Xinxin.
As our friend Jennifer mentioned in the comment that it is worth moving to HK for the further treatment.Definitely it is worthy .We would never know the result if we don't try more treatment which might help her. But as long as we tried everything, we won't regret. We will regret the rest of our life if we don't try everything we can provide for her, because God never asks us to give up and HE knows the best.
So we are prepared for any results of this fight although we want our sweetie to stay with us so much.
Xinxin is doing fine but she doesn't want the tube, so they started TPN for her today. But the needle is still on her hand as they wanted to put a whole new set of TPN, morphine and Ketamine together tomorrow.
Please continue to pray for Xinxin.
Jan.6th, 2008 Tuesday
In the past few weeks I was being very sad by hearing a NB kid relapsed who we met in Singapore.The parents are quite nice and they gave us a lot positive attitude during our treatment in Singapore.But when finally they told me that they are not going to do any treatment, I was rather shocked. After talking with them a few times, I guess this is the best choice they can do for their beloved child.
There are no adequate words, just sending prayers and love to the child and the family.
As for us, we are very grateful that we are receiving the best treatment--the three head doctors--Dr. Chiang, Dr. Chan,and Dr. Ha came to see Xinxin and talk with the pain doctor. Finally they add one drug called Ketamine to her by IV in low dose.
Praise the Lord that the blood culture result came back to be negative.
So that means Xinxin can use her own hands to do Art and Craft and play computer games tomorrow.
Xinxin was very fussy when hearing about the tube feeding for her. So I need to talk with her tomorrow again to see if she will accept the tube from her nose to her stomach, which sounds terrible, but doesn't hurt much as the doctors and nurses said..
But anyway she had a great time with her favorite CCF staff --Sister Tian.Here I want to thank her as she also prays for Xinxin as well as playing games and gave her a lot of surprises.
Yes, unfortunately we have to face cancer,but we are are really lucky to have so many angels around us everywhere
Every single one meant so much to us and truly touched our hearts.
Thank yo very much, and pleas continue to pray for Xinxin.
There are no adequate words, just sending prayers and love to the child and the family.
As for us, we are very grateful that we are receiving the best treatment--the three head doctors--Dr. Chiang, Dr. Chan,and Dr. Ha came to see Xinxin and talk with the pain doctor. Finally they add one drug called Ketamine to her by IV in low dose.
Praise the Lord that the blood culture result came back to be negative.
So that means Xinxin can use her own hands to do Art and Craft and play computer games tomorrow.
Xinxin was very fussy when hearing about the tube feeding for her. So I need to talk with her tomorrow again to see if she will accept the tube from her nose to her stomach, which sounds terrible, but doesn't hurt much as the doctors and nurses said..
But anyway she had a great time with her favorite CCF staff --Sister Tian.Here I want to thank her as she also prays for Xinxin as well as playing games and gave her a lot of surprises.
Yes, unfortunately we have to face cancer,but we are are really lucky to have so many angels around us everywhere
Every single one meant so much to us and truly touched our hearts.
Thank yo very much, and pleas continue to pray for Xinxin.
Jan.5th, 2008 Monday
Thank you dear friends for your prayers and your concern.;
Xinxin is doing fine-she looks comfortable as the doctor said, but she is very tired and was sleeping the whole afternoon. So she couldn't play with her favourite CCF staff in the afternoon, which disappointed her a lot.
The base line of the morphine is cutting down from 2 ml to 1.5 ml per hour by Dr. Chiang as he noticed that we seldom press the PCA . And the pain doctors also agrees with Dr. Chiang. It's really nice to know all these doctors are working together for the pain control.
Xinxin's blood count is good but we are still waiting for the result of blood culture.
I want to thank one nurse in QMH here as she brought me some home cooked soup. It's really nice of the nurse to be so concern.
Please continue to pray for Xinxin. Thank you.
Xinxin is doing fine-she looks comfortable as the doctor said, but she is very tired and was sleeping the whole afternoon. So she couldn't play with her favourite CCF staff in the afternoon, which disappointed her a lot.
The base line of the morphine is cutting down from 2 ml to 1.5 ml per hour by Dr. Chiang as he noticed that we seldom press the PCA . And the pain doctors also agrees with Dr. Chiang. It's really nice to know all these doctors are working together for the pain control.
Xinxin's blood count is good but we are still waiting for the result of blood culture.
I want to thank one nurse in QMH here as she brought me some home cooked soup. It's really nice of the nurse to be so concern.
Please continue to pray for Xinxin. Thank you.
Jan 4th,2008 Sunday
Thank God that we had a great weekend as a family in the ward. Xinxin is doing fine. She was sleeping very well during the night and can enjoy her favorite games played by the daddy as her right hand still has needle on because of the peripheral line.Today they took her blood for blood culture--need to wait for the result to come out.
I read Xinxin a story book in the afternoon in English--it's amazing that she still remembers all the English she has learned.
Please continue to to pray for Xinxin.
Please also pray that I have the courage to talk God with one of the parents whose kid failed twice of Bone Marrow Transplant and seems to be very helpless. I tried to talk with the mother, but we can not communicate every well with each other as I don't speak Cantonese which is the only language she can speak .It's really hard for parents at this difficult time especially for those without God's guidance.But anyway make sure to say a prayer for the kid who is the only child in the family and the same age as Xinxin.
Thank you very much.
I read Xinxin a story book in the afternoon in English--it's amazing that she still remembers all the English she has learned.
Please continue to to pray for Xinxin.
Please also pray that I have the courage to talk God with one of the parents whose kid failed twice of Bone Marrow Transplant and seems to be very helpless. I tried to talk with the mother, but we can not communicate every well with each other as I don't speak Cantonese which is the only language she can speak .It's really hard for parents at this difficult time especially for those without God's guidance.But anyway make sure to say a prayer for the kid who is the only child in the family and the same age as Xinxin.
Thank you very much.
Jan.3rd, 2009 Saturday
Xinxin is doing fine today with only One time of pressing the pain machine--PCA, which means her pain is under control.Thank you all for your prayers. Please continue to pray for us.
Jan.2nd,2008 Friday
Xinxin is doing fine today. She slept very well last night and me too. She played the computer games the whole day without a nap and is sleeping sweetly now with both the daddy and mommy beside her. The patches are really working very well with less side effect.
Actually the doctor wanted to cut down the base line of the morphine, but we are too scared of the pain, so it's still 2ml per hour.
The bolus is still 1.5ml for the PCA machine. But we didn't press that much today as she is not in much pain. And we are planning a trip to Ocean park which is near Queen Mary Hospital for Xinxin if she is still feeling well next week.Please pray for that.
The blood culture result showed still positive. So we are still using the the Peripheral line for morphine and platelets and so on. And the portacath is only for antibiotics. They will check the blood again next week.
Please continue to pray for Xinxin and thank you for your concern and help.
Actually the doctor wanted to cut down the base line of the morphine, but we are too scared of the pain, so it's still 2ml per hour.
The bolus is still 1.5ml for the PCA machine. But we didn't press that much today as she is not in much pain. And we are planning a trip to Ocean park which is near Queen Mary Hospital for Xinxin if she is still feeling well next week.Please pray for that.
The blood culture result showed still positive. So we are still using the the Peripheral line for morphine and platelets and so on. And the portacath is only for antibiotics. They will check the blood again next week.
Please continue to pray for Xinxin and thank you for your concern and help.
Jan.1st,2009 Thursday
We are very thankful that we as a family can stay in one room yesterday. As we are transferred to a two-bed room, my parents came to stay inside the room with us the whole day and the daddy was sleeping with us the first time in the last past 40+ days, because it's the rule that only one parent can stay over night with the kid and no visitors are allowed even the relatives like grandparents are included, but not in the two-bed room.
I am really grateful that we can stay together and love each other more than any time. Families are really important at this time, I thank my parents for taking good care of me and my own family as they are quite old and they should enjoy their life after retiring. I thank my husband for being a great father and I thank all the friends for being our friends.
Xinxin is doing better now as the patch has less side effect as morphine. So she did some Art and craft in the afternoon and played some computer games.And last night she slept very well the whole night with both the parents beside her.Praise the lord.
Please continue to pray for us.
Thank you.
I am really grateful that we can stay together and love each other more than any time. Families are really important at this time, I thank my parents for taking good care of me and my own family as they are quite old and they should enjoy their life after retiring. I thank my husband for being a great father and I thank all the friends for being our friends.
Xinxin is doing better now as the patch has less side effect as morphine. So she did some Art and craft in the afternoon and played some computer games.And last night she slept very well the whole night with both the parents beside her.Praise the lord.
Please continue to pray for us.
Thank you.
Happy New Year
Can you believe it's the end of December already?
I wish everybody a happy and blessing new year in Year 2009.
Xinxin is more alert since the morphine was cutting down. Today the pain doctor and Dr. Chiang agree to put one more patch for Xinxin and the dosage of morphine will keep the same as yesterday-2.0 ml per hour.
We are transferred to a higher class room---two-person room, because they want Xinxin to have a good rest and I can also pay to sleep on the other bed so I can use the toilet and eat inside the room which helps us a lot. So today is the first day of my shower in the 40+days.( Usually, I had to use a basin in the toilet outside ward to wash quickly as Xinxin cried a lot after I left her for more than one minute).
It's really nice of the nurses to be so concerned and Dr. Chiang also did the best he can for us. He booked two bags of platelets everyday until next week though Xinxin's platelets is not too low--37. He worried of bleeding since it's going to be holiday and Xinxin's bone marrow is very weak after so many rounds of Chemotherapy.
Xinxin is using the peripheral line for platelets and other things because they put Vanco Lock in the portacath.They also did the blood culture for Xinxin, so far no results--no news is good news.
Please continue to pray for Xinxin.
We thank each and every one of you for the endless love, support and prayers in the past year.
Wish the best for all of you in the coming new year
I wish everybody a happy and blessing new year in Year 2009.
Xinxin is more alert since the morphine was cutting down. Today the pain doctor and Dr. Chiang agree to put one more patch for Xinxin and the dosage of morphine will keep the same as yesterday-2.0 ml per hour.
We are transferred to a higher class room---two-person room, because they want Xinxin to have a good rest and I can also pay to sleep on the other bed so I can use the toilet and eat inside the room which helps us a lot. So today is the first day of my shower in the 40+days.( Usually, I had to use a basin in the toilet outside ward to wash quickly as Xinxin cried a lot after I left her for more than one minute).
It's really nice of the nurses to be so concerned and Dr. Chiang also did the best he can for us. He booked two bags of platelets everyday until next week though Xinxin's platelets is not too low--37. He worried of bleeding since it's going to be holiday and Xinxin's bone marrow is very weak after so many rounds of Chemotherapy.
Xinxin is using the peripheral line for platelets and other things because they put Vanco Lock in the portacath.They also did the blood culture for Xinxin, so far no results--no news is good news.
Please continue to pray for Xinxin.
We thank each and every one of you for the endless love, support and prayers in the past year.
Wish the best for all of you in the coming new year
Dec.30th,2008 Monday
The pain doctors met Dr. Chiang and finally decide to put a patch and cut down the morphine to see how it works. So far I think it is ok,because they just cut down the morphine base line into 2 ml per hour at 8 p.m. and they put the the patch at 12:00 noon time. Hope Xinxin will sleep well tonight and the pain doctors will come and decide whether they want to put more patch and cut down more morphine tomorrow. But anyway we have a PCA machine here,whenever she is in pain, we just press it and she will have a bonus 1.5ml.
And the blood culture result showed there is bacteria in the portacath, that's why she had fever a few days ago. So they will continue the antibiotics and repeat the blood culture later tomorrow or the day after. If it cannot be cleared, they will remove the portacath.Please pray that the antibiotics will clear the bacteria.
In the afternoon, Xinxin told me and her favorite CCF staff that she wanted to do some Art and Craft.Thanks to the CCF staff--Sister Tian, who helps to make her a key chain with her favorite colour--pink and yellow.
Thank you for praying and please continue to pray for us.
And the blood culture result showed there is bacteria in the portacath, that's why she had fever a few days ago. So they will continue the antibiotics and repeat the blood culture later tomorrow or the day after. If it cannot be cleared, they will remove the portacath.Please pray that the antibiotics will clear the bacteria.
In the afternoon, Xinxin told me and her favorite CCF staff that she wanted to do some Art and Craft.Thanks to the CCF staff--Sister Tian, who helps to make her a key chain with her favorite colour--pink and yellow.
Thank you for praying and please continue to pray for us.
Dec.29th, 2008 Monday
I was very sick yesterday-- headache and sleepy the whole afternoon and I
complained the daddy cannot help anything.
I was very worried about Xinxin,--if I am sick, she will cry because she needs only me to stay with her 24 hours a day.Thank God, He healed me last night after a cup of hot water and some back massage by the daddy.
Today one of the patients mummy came to ask me why I am always very strong and positive. Her kid is not having cancer, but she cried many times. Instead of telling her that I also cried many times, I asked her not to waste time for being sad,which is not helpful for our kids at all.
And I shared a video with her--a story about a man called Nick born without limbs.He shared his experience of God's love.
It was recommended by two of my good friends--Yanqiong and Emily.
Please make sure that you watch this video and learn to trust and praise God in ALL circumstances!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSRj7JqURjc&feature=related
Detailed infor about this strong man of God can be found at
http://www.lifewithoutlimbs.org/
Tomorrow Dr. Chiang will discuss the pain control with the pain team. Dr. Chiang is still the team head of this week. Our doctor--Dr. Chan is on leave and he came to see us before Christmas.
Actually the pain doctor came to Xinxin twice a week to give suggestions. But always our doctor will just make decisions by themselves.
Xinxin is still very tired and can not sleep very well. And she wake up several time during night.
Please continue to pray for her.
Thank you.
complained the daddy cannot help anything.
I was very worried about Xinxin,--if I am sick, she will cry because she needs only me to stay with her 24 hours a day.Thank God, He healed me last night after a cup of hot water and some back massage by the daddy.
Today one of the patients mummy came to ask me why I am always very strong and positive. Her kid is not having cancer, but she cried many times. Instead of telling her that I also cried many times, I asked her not to waste time for being sad,which is not helpful for our kids at all.
And I shared a video with her--a story about a man called Nick born without limbs.He shared his experience of God's love.
It was recommended by two of my good friends--Yanqiong and Emily.
Please make sure that you watch this video and learn to trust and praise God in ALL circumstances!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSRj7JqURjc&feature=related
Detailed infor about this strong man of God can be found at
http://www.lifewithoutlimbs.org/
Tomorrow Dr. Chiang will discuss the pain control with the pain team. Dr. Chiang is still the team head of this week. Our doctor--Dr. Chan is on leave and he came to see us before Christmas.
Actually the pain doctor came to Xinxin twice a week to give suggestions. But always our doctor will just make decisions by themselves.
Xinxin is still very tired and can not sleep very well. And she wake up several time during night.
Please continue to pray for her.
Thank you.
Dec.28th,2008 Sunday
Xinxin is still very tired and she was sleeping most of the day. She looks very puffy. We thank Dr. Chiang for his concern. Dr. Chiang called the ward to ask Xinxin's condition in the past few days and gave them the right instruction as he is the senior consultant in QMH.
We also thank those who are praying for Xinxin at the difficulty times.
Please continue to pray for her. Thank you.
We also thank those who are praying for Xinxin at the difficulty times.
Please continue to pray for her. Thank you.
Xinxin's works during the time when she was good enough to make cards for some of her hospital friends.Dec.27th,2008 Saturday
Xinxin is still very tired. She was sleeping most of the time.And she needs mummy to stay with her every minute.She had no interest in anything.She had a good time with daddy in the afternoon seeing daddy play her favorite computer games.
Our friend Xiaoling from Singapore came to see us in QMH. It's really nice of her to share with us her experience walking with God.
Please continue to pray for Xinxin.
Thank you
Our friend Xiaoling from Singapore came to see us in QMH. It's really nice of her to share with us her experience walking with God.
Please continue to pray for Xinxin.
Thank you
Dec.26th, 2008 Friday
Thank God, the fever is coming down.Please continue to pray for Xinxin.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Dec.25th,2008 Thursday
Xinxin had high fever in the morning.The doctor thought it was because of her disease since her count is very good. But they still gave her antibiotics to make sure.
She was very tired and was sleeping the whole day.
Please continue to pray for Xinxin.Thank you.
She was very tired and was sleeping the whole day.
Please continue to pray for Xinxin.Thank you.
Merry Christmas
Wishing you all a very Merry Christmas and all the best in the year to come , Gods blessings.
Xinxin still complained tummy pain and vomitted five times in the morning. But she felt better in the afternoon.
Please continue to pray for Xinxin.
Thank you.
Xinxin still complained tummy pain and vomitted five times in the morning. But she felt better in the afternoon.
Please continue to pray for Xinxin.
Thank you.
Dec.23rd,2008 Tuesday
Xinxin was having severe pain in the morning but we met her Doctor--Dr.Chan who was bringing students to do some research in the ward and Dr.Chiang also came back from the sick leave. So after discussing with them.They increased the dosage of the morphine (1.5ml per hour).
The whole afternoon, Xinxin was happy.My friend--Christina from Singapore sent Xinxin some books.We got it his morning.
Xinxin had a great time with the interesting books and she even made some Christmas cards by herself. It's a pity that I didn't take photos before Xinxin gave them to those who she likes here in QMH. It's really very nice of her to think of others.
Please continue to pray for Xinxin.
Thank you.
The whole afternoon, Xinxin was happy.My friend--Christina from Singapore sent Xinxin some books.We got it his morning.
Xinxin had a great time with the interesting books and she even made some Christmas cards by herself. It's a pity that I didn't take photos before Xinxin gave them to those who she likes here in QMH. It's really very nice of her to think of others.
Please continue to pray for Xinxin.
Thank you.
Dec.22nd, 2008 Monday
Xinxin is still not feeling well. She kept vomiting and looks very tired. The doctor told us if we wanted to go home, they could send medical staff to go with us to have a rest for a few days. But Xinxin didn't want because she is scared of pain. So I guess we will stay in QMH as long as her pain is under control.
Please continue to pray for Xinxin. Thank you.
Please continue to pray for Xinxin. Thank you.
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