Feb.23rd,2009 Monday

I am going to mainland China with my parents tomorrow--Feb.24. When my husband booked the ticket we didn't realize how special the date is.
Suddenly, I realize that on Feb 24,2001 I got married with my husband at the age of 23.(you can figure out how old I am now) It's exactly 8 years since we have been married and 11 years since we have known each other.Time really flies. Everything seems just happened yesterday.

In the past month, I felt I got lost, I don't know what my life aim is. Every day, I seem to be very normal,but I cried almost every night.I cried when I heard the news of another kid fighting with cancer. I cried when I see people die. This is really the first time in my life that death is so near to me and it really broke my heart.
Some people told me that;"you are still young, when you get the second baby, you will forget your first one."
It seems they don't understand the feeling of losing a child.It's a feeling that no one wants to have and no parents should ever have . The pain of losing a child is so painful that I think HUGE is not big enough to describe it,especially when you recall the bad time your child had experienced. The pain is like a knife cutting the heart once a while and it never seems to stop.

I am writing my feeling here because I want all of you to treasure your life with your families if you are fortunately to be healthy. And please help those whose family is having a kid with cancer. You will never know their life. And I am very thankful that we are very lucky to have a lot of friends' help when we are unfortunately to have my daughter with cancer. Friends' help really make it very different--prayers,emails, messages, calls,gifts and financial support.
Thank you for all of your support in the past 14 months.